How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
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I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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