Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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