I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize