I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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