I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
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why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
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They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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