A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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