Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
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Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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