I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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