I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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