turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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