My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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