then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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