haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i would punch a child for taco bell
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I could make wine with my vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
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