Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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