Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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