that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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