Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize