So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize