can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
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Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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