My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
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Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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