My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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