I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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