covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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