SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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