went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize