Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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