1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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