hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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