She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
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if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
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let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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