who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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