He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
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HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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