If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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