I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
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it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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