the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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