rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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