so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize