If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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