I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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