I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
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okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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