I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My dick has a subreddit
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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