my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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