i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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