im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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