Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
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There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
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Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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