I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Small penises have feelings too.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize