Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize