If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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