Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize