im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize