Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize